Big fat no

There’s a scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding where the mother and aunt are conspiring to get the father to agree to an idea.

Rather than ask him directly, for fear he’ll say no, they have to make him think it was his idea all along.

Funny, yes, but an important insight, too.

Because what they are trying to avoid is something called “reactance”.

In other words, if you tell me what to do I’m going to do the opposite!

Reactance is a big problem in business because it means great ideas and solutions can get ignored out of spite. 

• Customers may not buy.
• Colleagues may ignore your request.
• Your stakeholder might prioritise a weaker project.

And why? Because you’ve inadvertently trampled on a very sensitive and important human desire.

The desire for freedom.

The freedom to think, feel and behave.

So, if you’re finding people are saying no, consider whether reactance is the problem.

And consider prefacing your request with the following:

"It's your decision, of course..."

This will reduce perceived threat to their freedom and increase the odds they’ll do what you ask.

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